Wednesday, March 14, 2018

😎🐫🎤 Back in 2016 I was overjoyed with three great pieces of life changing news. Crystal and John were expecting their second child and Chessa was born in April 2017. Lori and Cody were engaged and married in Oct 2017. And Diana and Sam were engaged and married this past weekend.  All three were great moments, but I knew I would be seriously challenged because at both weddings I would have to face their dad, who I divorced almost 18 years ago. I knew I had a lot of praying to do about this. I even took a class about forgiveness at a local church back in Sept 2016 to help prepare myself.  After the forgiveness class and a year of praying, I felt pretty good about how things went and how I felt at Lori’s wedding. He and I even sat at the same table. Okay, not so bad, I thought. I survived and put that behind me…well, so I thought. It really knocked me down a notch when I found myself struggling when I was around him this past Friday and Saturday.  I didn’t want to see him, hear his voice, and it especially annoyed me when he said my name. I found myself just wanting to go off on him. He didn’t do anything wrong in those moments, so why was I feeling this way. It made me really mad at myself. Why was it so different this time?  Trying to figure out the source of my frustration, I realized that I’d stopped praying and forgiving.  Which made me frustrated for a different reason. I started relying on myself and stopped giving it to God. And then God told me…Forgive 70 x 7 times. I was so incredibly humbled and finally, truly understood what Matthew was saying in that passage.  I don’t like feeling angry like I did this weekend and I know I have a lot more praying and forgiveness that I need to be working on. 

There is a line in today’s song that goes “When You pull me closer, I come to life.”  But I really think it should say “When I pull You closer, I come to life.”  God is always there reaching out for us. We need to quite trying to do life on our own and pull Him into the center of our world. He taught me a very valuable lesson this weekend. Bless others and be blessed. 

#TobyMac – I Just Need U

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